Thursday 25 May 2017

Pengakuan

Di beberapa episode kehidupan, manusia tak jarang minta pengakuan. Apalagi di zaman serba upload dan share seperti saat ini. Membuka sedikit wilayah privasi kepada publik, untuk mendapat pengakuan. Bahkan tanpa diminta, dia akan dengan sukarela membeberkannya. Memang, motifnya tak selalu mencari pengakuan, tapi bukan tak mungkin hal itu adalah salah satu alasannya. Pe-ng-aku-an. Itu tidak salah, amat manusiawi malah.

Ingin diaku agar begini dan begitu. Ingin disamakan dengan yang lain, bahwa "aku" pun begini dan begitu. Keinginan itu bisa berasal dari rasa tidak-aman, unsecure. Merasa diri harus sama, merasa diri harus menegaskan, merasa diri terancam. 

Lalu tak lama lagi kita akan disapa oleh Bulan Ramadhan. Di bulan ini ada satu amal ibadah yang memusnahkan pe-ng-AKU-an. Dimana kita diminta untuk memberikan yang terbaik tanpa dapat meng-upload atau share amalan tersebut. Apakah itu? Puasa. Siapakah yang dapat mengetahui dengan benar kualitas puasa kita? Kita bisa saja mengatakan saya sedang berpuasa, tapi itu hanya ucapan. Bukan lahiriah seperti gerakan shalat, atau besaran zakat/infaq. Mengenani kualitas puasa itu sendiri hanya Allah yang tahu.

Itulah kenapa puasa menjadi satu-satunya ibadah paling intim. Hanya Allah dan hambaNya yang tahu. Kalkulator pahala bagi ibadah puasa ini tidak lagi berlaku. Allah Swt menegaskan, puasa dinilai langsung oleh Allah. Tak lagi pakai hitungan. Maka musnahlah keinginan untuk diaku oleh manusia, yang ada tinggal pengakuan dari yang sejati: Tuhan Semesta Alam. Pengakuan dari-Nya dapat berbuah keridhaan. Jika Ia telah ridha, apalagi yang kita butuhkan?

Seseorang berpuasa atas kesadarannya sebagai hamba. Ia tak hanya menahan lapar dan dahaga, tapi juga merayu diri agar hati dan panca indra ikut berpuasa. Mengikis keinginan untuk diaku, dan memutlakkan hati agar segala ibadah sejatinya untuk mendapatkan pengakuan dari Tuhan yang Satu.

Ramadhan membimbing manusia untuk mendapatkan pengakuan sejati. 
Biarlah sunyi di mata manusia, sebab ridha dan pengakuan Allah di atas segala-galanya.



Marhaban ya Ramadhan 🌷

===

Natisa
Pelabuhan Badas, 1438 H.


Monday 15 May 2017

A Night at a Cafe in Papua



This is about my new friend from another country, you can call her Xhe (actually not her real name). We spent 1 week in Papua for a project. Several days went nomally, until we sat at a cafe in thrid day of our project. That night is the best night we ever had in Papua. That's conversation is still in my mind.


Xhe said to me that she was impressed with my personality. How could it be? Because, Xhe said, I am a calm person and I have an emphatetic soul. Guess what? I was laughing to her joke. "No.. No! I am serious!" she said.

Am I a calm person? No! Seriously. Then I told her about how rebelious I am, how I have many questions about life, how I complain for many things. So, how can I be claimed as a calm person? 

She looked at me deeply. "Nati, it's okay that you have many questions. There's nothing wrong with all of it. Sometimes, people become a wise person because they let the questions exist. It makes them compromise with their life. I found you as an honest person. You asked me about my reason why I choose to be an agnostic. You asked me because you really wanted know, not to judge me. And you told me about your spiritual journey. I feel it comes from your sincere soul. Rebellion happens because you are honest with yourself. There is nothing wrong with it. All you need is keep being who you are because you are on the right track as long as you have faith in it. The sincere soul can bring you to the right track. That's why I don't need religion. Haha." 

We laughed.

The way she appreciates me makes me feel blessed, and ask to my self; why don't you thank yourself?

When she asked me, why do I need religion to knowing God? I try to find the best answer I have. I don't really think that God and religion is separated. Because religion comes from Him. For example, I know Him through Al Quran. So I push myself to learn Al Quran more intensive, and I find many of God's guidances are in the Quran which are summarized into a religion. So the religion isn't made by human, but used by them. One of her reasons being agnostic is because people only use religion for their will. Yes, I can't ignore about them, but for myself religion guides me to become a better person. 

"No. I think you become a better person because you want to. It comes from your soul. You decided to be it. Not because of your religion!" said Xhe firmly.

"Why do you not have the same thought when you looking at a man who behaves badly? You thought that people only use religion for their personal bad ambition. But when you look at man with a good behavior, you said that comes from his soul, not because he uses his religion." 

She laughed, and pointed at me, "Yeah. You make me rethink. That humans need something to believe. Either to God or religion. O, I love our talk tonight, anyway!"

She raised her glass, asked me to toast. Cheers.

Then we got back to Homestay with lots of happiness. We are happy to know each other, not to judge, but to feel blessed to be human.

I agree with her thought, that humans need something to believe in.

In another day, I share this story to my friend, Nisaul or Saul. She said,


"Many people say that an agnostic means doubting or not believing or not having faith in anything. For me, everyone believes in something, everyone has faith in something. They just believe in a different thing than we do. Afterall, we all believers."

Agree! Because "believe in 'something'" is a human needs. 

When human lost his faith, they lost his power and hope. We all need a source of Power, and there is one thing more important than having a faith: It's who we have faith in.


---
Natisa
Papua, April 2017


Friday 5 May 2017

Kau Bertahan, Kau Diam?

Hasil dari perjuangan bisa jadi tak melulu berupa kemajuan. 

Kau dapat bertahan, pun sebuah perjuangan. Sebab bukan sesuatu yang mudah untuk mampu bertahan di tengah kondisi yang tak nyaman. Berapa banyak soalan di luar dugaan dapat kau damaikan? Sekali lagi, itu bukan hal yang mudah.



Di balik kebertahanan seseorang, ada harap dan juang yang tak putus walau berkali dihantam ombak keputusasaan. Namun baginya hanya ada dua pilihan; terus bergerak maju, atau tegar bertahan. Tak ada pilihan mundur ke belakang.


Apalagi jika kau terus tersenyum saat mampu bertahan. 

Tersenyum pada target-target yang seakan mengolokmu, karena tak mampu mencapainya. 

Tersenyum pada anggapan orang bahwa kau seakan tak ada kemajuan. 

Tersenyum pada standar masyarakat yang mengharuskanmu menyamai mereka. 

Tersenyum, sebab dugaan itu salah. 



Kau bertahan, bukan berhenti. 

Kau bertahan, karena masih terus berjuang. 

Dan untuk terus berjuang kita tak perlu pengakuan. 


Tersenyum saat kau berusaha merenda asa yang baru, lagi dan lagi, setiap saat asa itu redup tak berjawab. Kau tersenyum, sebab bagimu perjuangan bukan sekadar memperoleh hasil yang diinginkan. Sebab bagimu, perjuangan adalah caramu menunjukkan kehidupanmu. Keberadaanmu. Kecintaanmu pada Pemberi kehidupanmu. 


Tersenyum saat kembali menyadari bahwa perjuangan adalah ranahmu, sedangkan hasil mutlak wilayah-Nya. 

Tersenyum saat kembali merayu diri; biarlah aku tetap menjadi makhluk yang bertuhan, bukan makhluk yang merebut peran Tuhan.


Tersenyumlah, karena kau tak mau bertemu Tuhanmu dengan muka tertekuk, bukan? 

Tersenyumlah, sebab kebertahananmu bermakna megah. 


---
Natisa,
Papua, 2017.